I can't imagine how different my year abroad in Paris might have been if I'd been as—how to put this without sounding arrogant—self-assured? brave? independent? as I am now. Regardless of the specific word, I find myself capable of going on a trip to another town for several days on my own whereas two years ago in Paris, if I had a vacation, I was unable to go anywhere unless I had someone going with me. It felt like I wasn't allowed to go on my own, that no one would let me or that I'd be petrified in my hotel room the whole time, thus wasting any attempt at traveling. I missed so many opportunities to do things because I didn't have a friend to do it with. Now, it isn't as if I have no friends, it's simply that I have very particular things I wish to visit, places to see, ways to travel that I don't tend to have in common with others my age. It's simpler to have friends but be able to go do my own thing. For instance, who wants to go to Angers or Saintes expect for someone so in love with any and all things old? I have no particular desire to go out to night clubs while traveling; I'll go to a cognac house or a vineyard though. This way, I can go where I want to eat, see the things I want to see, take my time exploring and taking pictures, and make the most of my time in these new places.
I read an article in the New York Times about traveling in Ireland and getting lost. The author states: "But here’s something I always forget about travel loneliness, which has struck me everywhere from Kentucky to Kyoto: When you finally accept that you are on your own, when making friends no longer matters and when you turn your attention to other subjects, it vanishes." I think that says a lot right there. Yes, traveling alone can be, at times, lonely. But it's also enlightening. We tend to go about our lives in our comfort zones, with friends and families, at times puzzled and uncomfortable when we see others on their own: in restaurants, theatres, etc. We judge, despite knowing nothing about the person, their circumstances, or why they're there alone. But striking out on your own, taking a few days to get lost in your own company, gives us another perspective on the world. There's nothing wrong with being alone sometimes. If you can't stand your own company for a few days, why would anyone else?
We define ourselves too often by our relationships with others. I am a daughter, a sister, and a friend, but those are only parts of who I am. I think most people would benefit from a few days getting to know themselves outside of their comfort zone—getting to know themselves for who they are, not who they know or how other people view them.
Which takes more courage and strength of character: going into a restaurant for dinner with friends, or going into a restaurant for dinner alone? To eat by yourself doesn't say anything to anyone about your life other than you have confidence. Unfortunately, I find that too often people assume if you're out in public alone it's because you have no choice in the matter. Next time you find yourself judging or assuming, take a moment to realize what you don't know about that person, and admire their courage to so something most people are unwilling—nay unable—to do.
If this sounds a tad defensive, it's probably because it is. I've sat in one too many cafés by myself and been asked, "Where are your friends? Don't you have any?" And you know what the answer is? They're all over, going about their own lives; I'm not bound by their immediate presence. So many people claim independence without comprehending its true meaning.
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